Rebuilding Again

This blog post is way overdue, maybe it's because I've been pushed into the ground too hard this time but everything comes out now...

In the last few months, I have been trying to please people and do everything that people expect of me without thinking about the effects it would have one me. Why did I need someone else's opinion of approval? Their opinion does not own me. I am saying this now, but within the last few months, this has been the routine: me running around in circles for everyone else and everything else except for myself (if that makes any sense)?

It occurred to me tonight that I am seriously worn out and exhausted from all the things I have been doing with work, school, and just trying to be a person that is acceptable for everyone. For example, I try to be there all the time if someone needs me and I rarely say no because I don't want to let people down. Another example would be if someone is upset with me, I feel guilty and take the blame on myself when that is not always the case; words may be twisted so the guilt falls on me and I feel that everything I do may be wrong in that person's eyes. It can really break someone down when they constantly are pointing out your flaws and then when you try to address them; it's still not enough. I kept trying to make others happy and would feel that I wasn't being a good enough person in other's eyes, but honestly that just made my judgement clouded and it makes me lose myself as a person. I should never try to be something that I am not, if someone can't accept that, then it's not worth trying to make an effort of keeping that person in my life! There are always moments when we may let people in too close and we get caught up in trying to make sure that our friends or loved ones come first and try to make them happy. Even though this is okay and healthy, there needs to be a balance of give and take in these friendships and relationships. I have realized that I cannot be anyone but myself and if others are looking down on that, there is really no point of stressing over it and there is nothing that can be done. We cannot change and should not change for others. At the end of the day, our strongest and biggest supporter is and should be ourselves. I have been working so hard in the last few months in all aspects of my life that I had to slow down to realize that I am exhausted and need to take time for me.